I have mentioned a friend here before - she has annorexia and bulemia.
She is being admitted into hospital soon, as she has dropped from 10 1/2 stone to just 4 stone 11.
She has no hair left, can't walk by herself, can not stop shaking and only takes in water-based substances. Her body and brain functions are shutting down on her, and it scares her.
All of her mirrors are covered over, and she hardly ever leaves her room. Her mother couldn't hide the shock on her face last time they met (she's at uni - a straight A-grade student too...), and they both broke down almost immediately.
It is all I can think about at the moment. She was my best friend for over 5 years, and it seems that I am the only person left. Everyone else has abandoned her, as they see her as a liability to them. Not to herself, but to them.
I am so scared. Scared for her, scared for her mother and scared for everyone else who cares.
I don't know whether it's force of habit to her now, or whether she's doing this on purpose. She has seen therapists. She's even given hypnotherapy a try. But nothing seems to have worked for her, even though she is still acing her degree.
I truely think she wants to die. She has come too far, and what started out as a cry for attention and popularity has gone terribly wrong. Everyone she looked up to have turned their backs.
I want to be there for her so much, but I just don't know how to. I haven't seen her since June as she's been away, and I was able to hide the shock at her appearance then - I don't think I'll be able to now. Would my reaction - whatever it may be - drive her deeper into the mindset she is in? Am I able to do a damn thing to help or support her? I suppose all I can do is to be her friend.
In the end though, whatever happens, happens. (Graagh has just written an entry related to this)
But that doesn't stop me from caring.
