Lost forever?

16 April 2009 - 9:19 a.m.

I could not lie to a direct question. I needed you to hear my fears, as they are part of me too. You deserved to hear now about my doubts, rather than two years down the line when I find I just cannot do what you ask of me.

I just don't know if I can leave my whole life behind, my whole world as it is. I am not strong enough. No family, friends, culture, hobbies, country...


You have taken my heart. I think about you all day, all night. I miss you, your embrace, your words...

Would you really cut me out of your life completely because you are hurt by the fact I have told you the truth? Yes, it may hurt you that I air my concerns, but how do you think I feel? With the prospect of leaving everything I know and love to be with you, I am at war inside. You are completely oblivious to the fact that I find it a hard decision to deal with. Where is your support, your zeal, your love now? When I need you most, you shun me. Maybe that could be my decision made. I hope you just need time to digest my words. Can you not see how you make me feel? What I am thinking of giving up for you?

There seems to be no compromise, no understanding, no willingness to help me through. It is all about you, your body clock, your needs, your wants.

This said, I am praying all you need is time. Please, I do not want to lose you from my life completely. That would be too much to bear. Your silence is already tearing me apart.

Please, let me know you are alright. Please...

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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