Twisted

07 July 2010 - 8:42 a.m.

So, once again I forego sleep because I can not stop my brain from conjouring all sort of paranoid conclusions. I hope they are paranoid, at least. I thought we had resolved things.

And yet, still no word from you. I am hoping - praying - that you will be online shortly. That my phone will ring, or a text come through to let me know that you still care.

I have lost weight too. I have gone from being a slighty overweight but happy individual to an almost underweight shell.

I feel terrible, I look terrible, and I blame it all on you.

No, I lie - I blame it all on myself. For giving myself to you so completely without heed of the consequences. Without knowledge of your jealousy or mistrust. I just wanted you. To give you everything you ever wanted. And I still want that, and need that too if I am honest. You awoke some part of me that I did not even know existed, and it is twisting me into knots.

Will you unravel and smooth some of these feelings, please. You are the one and only to have touched my life to this extent, and have the capability to destroy it right now, so easily.

I will not chase after you, and I will not beg (except maybe face-to-face). I do not want to drive you away, or be driven away, and so I will not push too hard.

I will just wait patiently and hope matters resolve themselves, one way or another. Only then will I start to mend.

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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