Once again, a step backwards has been taken.
Just over a day until I throw myself out of a plane (parachute attached I might add), and yet all I do is worry about my tormenting relationship.
I am so unsure exactly where I stand, and dread everything falling apart in the next 17 days. It could be just my paranoia and insecurities, but I cannot help feeling the way I do.
I care, I really, truely do. However, I now have to wait until Tuesday to see if he reciprocates that, or if he is as distracted as last time... I felt second best for once, and that has not helped settle my thoughts. I have even postponed an important appointment to make sure I can be there. I hope he calms my soul.
17 days until I travel alone.
17 days until I have to put my full trust in him.
17 days until we meet again.
17 days until the course of my life could change.
I yearn to be with him, to be settled, to be happy. I hope to goodness that everything turns out okay. I need this to be okay.
17 long, unsteady days to go...
