I feel as though my life is just going on around me, without my actually taking part.
I miss his touch, his kiss, his strong arms, and long for his warmth. But I am afraid that if I scratch beneath the surface, I will find something I do not like, that I will fear, that I will come to hate. That the beauty of the outside will not be reflected on the inside.
I can only hope that it is, and try to quell the uneasyness and doubt that I am holding.
A meeting with an old friend gave me a glimmer of hope, as she is going through something similar - married to a foreigner, living in a foreign country, with a child of dual-nationality. She is happy.
I hope my decisions make me happy too.