In an attempt to make an effort since earlier's entry, I wrapped and wrote all the bits that I have so far for xmas and birthdays. Woohoo. It is only now that I realise I still have my dad to buy for... Still, better to know that now.
I have spent the rest of the afternoon being both chastised and doted over via the webcam.
I haven't sent him a text since Tuesday. Man, it is only Thursday... It's not like I get texts back, is it now?!
Still, been a positive conversation mostly - with actual speaking too.
His smile is still so dazzling, and when he is being nice he sounds like he means every word.
I wish I could say those things back to him, with absolute conviction. I think I need to work out exactly where my life is headed first. Right now, that is towards him, but I have to feel free there. I am worried I will start to suffocate, and that holds me back. Goodness knows I want to say it all. Feel it all. Live it. Love it.
I am not getting butterflies every time we speak or see each other any more, and have not for a while. Is that bad? Has the luuuurve packed up and left? I hope it all comes back, I reeeeally do...
Of to skittles in a bit. My final home game of the season. Next week, I will hand the baton of vice captain over to someone else. A sad moment, as I have been so proud to be part of our team. A few days after I leave, they will all be at our usual table having Christmas celebrations. I will miss the fancy dress game after that. But I will be there in spirit.
