Past, present, future

09 January 2012 - 10:14 p.m.

Apart from burning nasal passages and the need for sleep, I am feeling okay.

I missed a call from the boy, so got online as soon as I realised.

He asked what was wrong with me. He had been hopeful that it was morning sickness, and not a bad winter cold. I felt sorry to disappoint him, but I can't lie. Baby will come in time. I'm not sure I am ready (are you ever?), but baby will come when baby wants to. I don't think baby will appear for quite a while either - just a feeling.

I've told him if it ends up as twins (as seems increasingly common in his family) I'll kill him.

He looked much better today, even if the underlying problem still exists, whatever that may be. It was good to see and hear him after so long. I'd missed him.

He asked when I would visit. So I told him... End of April, maybe the beginning of May... I thought he'd say how far away it is, and how he can't wait, but there was none of that. He instead remembered my birthday! Something I never expected in a million years! Looks like I have to be there for that then...

Apparently I have to text him with the date we met... I have no idea why, or even exactly when, but I'll do my best. It is disputed all the time, so a definitive date would at least give him some idea as to how long we've been together!

I am finally breaking it to my birth mother that I've been in a relationship for the past few years. Well, maybe not the length of time. It has been almost like a sordid secret that I'm ashamed to disclose. That I broke my one golden rule; that I let my guard down; that I fell for a foreigner a very long way from home. It just has never made it into the conversation. Until now. I am going to put pen to paper and print off a few photos of the past year of my life. And I shall endeavour to keep up contact even if I do not hear back for a while - this year I will make the effort to know her better.

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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