Honesty

15 February 2012 - 8:42 p.m.

I had another of those monumental make-or-break conversation. I was horribly, brutally honest.

My boy was being so positive about the changes he was making to his life to benefit himself. Benefit us. Such as saving money instead of supporting his brothers' families. Like moving into a place of his own. Our own...

...And that is where I had to go and ruin it, like the bitch that I am.

It all came out, with a bit of prompting, and I felt so sick and tearful, but knew I had to be honest.

I was not happy last winter, despite being with him. I do not think I could be happy there. I can not bring up a family there. I can not work there. I will not get a visa without giving my life savings to their country with no return. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, few I can talk to, no health care, too cold in winter, too hot in summer, segregation in society...

I had been so scared of losing him, or him hating me if he was dragged from his life.

"So just take me there with you"

When he said he doesn't care as long as he's with me, that he truly loves me, that he could never hate me no matter what, there was a sharp intake of breath followed by tears on my part. I am just glad I was not on camera... He actually made my Valentine's day the best ever.

So, on to a new set of fears... Setting up a life here,visas, marriage, children, and a whole host of other things. In no particular order.

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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