I was going to be at a baby shower for a friend's sister tonight, but instead somehow ended up on a downer, sat by myself in front of the TV, being semi-ignored my my horribly bearded boy online, whilst my phone battery is dying slowly beside me on the sofa. In my pyjamas...
Oh yes, turns out it all went to shit again for my fianc�. There's a surprise(!) My stupid hopes for a productive winter dashed once again. The ticket to Istanbul for that job? Weeeeellllll, he probably spent the money I left on the family, or fags.
I don't think he understands exactly what I am trying to do, and how I am doing it, and what my sacrifices are and will be. The hardships yet to face.
He didn't seem interested in talking about the future or laying a groundwork for it. "What you can do, you do". Great! So, I'll fucking arrange OUR wedding then, shall I? Pick a place to live and decide how and when you get into the country. Well, actually no. These are OUR decisions to make.
I am so scared that I am going to balls everything up. And - right now - I am doubting every decision that I could make.
