I'm upset and angry, and it all wants to scream its way out of me.
I have my reasons but can't share them for fear of harsh words and heartache.
It is very likely that slaps from Reality and Getonwithit would do me some good, but I am too damn coward to face it all right now. If ever. I need to find a whole host of positives to wrap myself up in to bolster my convictions.
I have no idea if I'll ever hear from my biological family again. Just when I had the invite to meet, after all this time, after all that effort. It seems they disapprove wholeheartedly of the very thing that - now I've told them - may be driven apart because of lies and deceit.
Can I ever trust people? Rely on them? Am I really that much of a mug? Destined to be a loner? Food for the unscrupulous and the occasional hungry mosquito?
The radio interview seems dubious too right now. Not a word from them. So the rota has now been filled in, as it was unfair on my other staff, and they can fit around me should they so wish to do so.
No money. No joy for Christmas or Yule. Unrequited feelings. Fed up.
