Guidance please. And strength. Lots of strength...

31 January 2014 - 5:29 p.m.

I don't know what to do.

I can't move on. I need to move on. Confront the damn demons already and get on with it, whichever direction that may go in.

I hate not knowing. Not having reason, no explanation, no incentive to stay strong or be happy.

My thoughts are tied to it all every moment of every day.

I promised myself I wouldn't bother with one, but just one more letter perhaps..? Then I can rest easy when I don't get a birthday card from her. I will always wonder why (JUST TELL ME FFS!!), but I will not be putting myself out any more.

As for the other... I go to make the phonecall and I feel so sick that I bail time and time again. I have to do it, I know, but it's just having the courage to face whatever the outcome may be. I think I need to be alone, in my room, away from everyone and everything. If he doesn't pick up, then on to the next step. If he does... Who knows.

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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