I don't know what to do.
I can't move on. I need to move on. Confront the damn demons already and get on with it, whichever direction that may go in.
I hate not knowing. Not having reason, no explanation, no incentive to stay strong or be happy.
My thoughts are tied to it all every moment of every day.
I promised myself I wouldn't bother with one, but just one more letter perhaps..? Then I can rest easy when I don't get a birthday card from her. I will always wonder why (JUST TELL ME FFS!!), but I will not be putting myself out any more.
As for the other... I go to make the phonecall and I feel so sick that I bail time and time again. I have to do it, I know, but it's just having the courage to face whatever the outcome may be. I think I need to be alone, in my room, away from everyone and everything. If he doesn't pick up, then on to the next step. If he does... Who knows.