Inadequate

20 May 2014 - 11:02 a.m.

It's official. My fianc�'s mum is dying. Only a matter of time.

I've told him I love him. That if he wants me to call - any time, any matter, even if it's just to say how shit it all is - that I will do. That I wish I could be there for him in person.

I feel so helpless.

I didn't tell him that I share some of his pain. That I shed tears. That he is in my head every waking minute, and sometimes in my dreams as well. That I wish I could take away all of his hurt, all of his strife. That I wish I could make things better.

I just want him to read my words. To actually read them and to take them in. To know and understand how much he is a part of me. To feel love and not just see words on a page. To know I'm always here, no matter what.

I have no idea if he realises. I know he has no care to right now. I only hope his mother goes peacefully, and that it won't be too long. As painful as it is, and will get.

My only real memories I can keep of her are her picture, and a phonecall. I will always remember her laughter at my attempts at her language. It was like music that I could appreciate even through my embarrassment.

A tough few months lies ahead...

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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