I couldn't face people for a good portion of the day. Many tears were shed underneath my side-swept fringe, but the redness was masked by the fact I have a nasty scrape right under my eye (pretty much underlining it).
I also couldn't lie to my regulars and say that everything was fine. Tears would well, and so I had to fess up.
I even failed at choking back the emotions down the phone when the boss asked how I was today. FFS. Still, she asked if I wanted to go over and be with my boy, which was just so amazing and lovely of her. In all honesty, I don't know if he even wants me there. We haven't spoken since Wednesday night.
I have heard nothing. I don't want to call in case I disturb the family grieving. I don't want to wait and see how things go, but I don't want to cause more upset. I did send another message to say I am here and will do anything if he needs. No reply, but I'm not surprised I guess. He flits online at times, but I don't know what to say. I truly wish I did.
I am worried about him, so so worried, and scared too. I hope he is able to reconcile his feelings in the company of family rather than go over the edge that he was teetering on just a few days ago.
I will never bail on him in his time of need. Through the silence, the distance, the dark times. I will still be there for him on the other side.
