Single. Something I haven't been for half a decade.
How do I adjust? I don't know how to reclaim my heart, how to piece it back together, to go on as myself.
How do I separate that part of me that entwines him into every thought and decision that I make?
How do I ditch the picture of his smile, the feel of his embrace, his kiss? Everything we've built and shared. How can I reconcile the desire to have a family with him?
I am sat here, looking at the engagement ring with his name etched inside it. I will keep mine. I do wonder what he will do with his. I hope he will treat it with some respect at least.
I harbour no resentment. Only disappointment, sadness, and an overwhelming hurt.
I know that I am stronger than I think. Surrounded by people who love me. That it will get better in time. That I will be better off. At the end of the day, I can only give so much of myself.
In the present, I'm not sure how I will handle this. I don't know if I can face people, face another day of having to smile, face another decade by myself as I did before him.
I have left it up to him, but pride and greed will get the better of him. Part of me wants karma to hit. For him to look back one day and realise his mistakes. To regret. Most of me wishes him well. To find whatever he looks for. To be happy, truly happy.
What I really want is for this to not be happening.
