I have hit another low point - as I tend to at intervals throughout the year. Peaks and troughs come hand in hand, sadly.
Work is the main cause of this once again. I love it, but it is killing me. I have not bounced back from the virus yet, and pulling long shifts day in day out isn't doing me any favours. The boss takes the piss too, calling me in early for no reason, griping about shift patterns and breaks when we are doing the best within the parameters she set out months ago.
I am making all these awesome plans, and yet I can't get excited as I am scared the boss will turn down the leave applications - even for just a weekend. Next year scares me more, but I have 3 weddings, a long weekend away, a party, a picnic and meeting Gray's family to fit in before the first week in December.
My mum keeps pushing me to get a new job, but the only ones out there mean I have to dye my hair back, take out all my jewellery and work for minimum wage. Granted, it'd be nice to have a 9 - 5 with an hour for lunch and weekends to spend with Gray / friends / family, but to sacrifice who I AM will do the same damage as my ex in a lot of respects. I can't get my mum to understand how it makes me feel to be ME, looking this way and doing what I do. How do you explain that having blue hair makes me feel complete? It sounds stupid, but having tried to get rid of it and ending up thoroughly miserable, I don't want to go back... My piercings are a part of me, as much as the receptionist's French manicure or the soldier's tattoos. How can I stay healthy and still BE ME?!
I feel a bit lost, and the emotions are spilling over again. I cry at the stupidest things without knowing why. It could be hormones, but more likely being under the weather.
The baby blanket has been started, and I am - after unpicking it several times - 2 rows in... I still have to decide between petrol or teal, but I have the grey and white stripes to finish before having to make that decision. If I keep unpicking it as I have been, the choice will be a fair while away... I have hopes to finish it within the next 6 months!
