I think if I could listen to music for a living, I would.
It is the one thing that I find myself getting lost in, the only thing that ignites my creativity and my emotions. Music has the ability to light everything up, which is such a rare thing since everything got burned. To feel with heart and soul is to be alive, and I need to find a way to make that stick.
[Gray is my rock, and the catalyst for facing everything and moving through it. He goes above and beyond in ways that I still don't fully understand as it's still a foreign concept that someone could care that much. I do miss the whole bad boy thing though - from the spontaneity to the sex. It's horrible to say, but he is too nice! Not that things aren't exciting, but in a different way... It's hard to explain. I guess for me, the feeling of love has always been feeling it with every single fibre of my being, whereas there's something numb now. At least, less keen. I wouldn't be without him and I care more than I can comprehend but something's missing..? That burning isn't there, and that scares me a little...]
I have regained the ability to dream, but with it I find myself retreating into my own head and daydreams more and more often.
I wish I had been able to hang on to playing music. Learned an instrument I connected with. Become good at it.
I have so much respect for every musician out there, living the dream and doing their thing. I hope I get to meet some of you inspirational souls along the way. You keep me going.
