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27 November 2016 - 6:23 p.m.

Last night was another horrible night.

I disappeared to bed at 10pm, not to sleep but my eyes needed to be closed.

Throughout the following few hours, things got worse. For an unknown reason, the sadness that lingered throughout the past few days became overwhelming and the only way to quell the feeling was to sob and cry, wholeheartedly but without cause. Not even music could quell it.

They were proper soaking tears too. An unrelenting stream, coupled with that horrible tight feeling in throat and chest.

After midnight, I went back online. Gray popped up, and we spoke briefly. I didn't tell him about the state I was in, just that I couldn't sleep as it surprised him. I pointed out that he was still up too, but he didn't have to work in the morning...

I did a test run on the make-up today, as I wanted to test a theory as well as try out an idea for Friday's masquerade ball / xmas do. Winged eyeliner was actually a thing! Well, I did it with eyeshadow, but with the help of sellotape (yes, actual parcel tape) it worked out perfectly! I couldn't believe the amount of comments. Apparently I look very different. It was nice that people commented. Some were bemused! I guess it makes a difference most on someone who never wears it, but everyone accepts me how I am and I am grateful for that...

Gray may come down tomorrow. He says if I need him to call, as Dad is in for surgery in the morning. We are keeping fingers crossed that all goes as it should, and that the surgeons can reattach muscles and cartilage where they should (vaguely) be. Rotator cuff joys...

Wait, go back a bit! - Onward ho!

E 's hugs


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