I am so in love with that little girl, no-one has any idea...
I never thought I'd be this affected by it. She has changed my world and my reasons for doing stuff. Stupid as it may sound, it has out up a barrier between Gray and I over where we should live together. He thinks I love this bungalow. I do, but I love my family more and I don't want to move away from them. He has no attachments, which makes it hard for him to understand how I feel, and why I don't want to discuss it when he's still trying to move into this goddamn flat of his.
All I feel when I look at her is unconditional love. I can't explain it and I don't want to. I will enjoy it whilst it lasts - I give it until the Terrible Twos...
At the same time as all of the love, I also feel utterly bereft because of something so comical it's not funny. I cry at films, TV adverts, cartoons.. I am one of those people, yes. Well, a computer game has hit an all-time fucking low and plain ripped my soul out more than any movie has ever done. I literally sat through the end fight and all the stunning cutscenes sobbing my eyes out, feeling both hurt and thankfulness that the lounge curtains were closed to the outside world. I now get to play the entire game again, in a few bits expanded, but I dread going through all of that again...
I sent a picture of my end certificate to Gray, who asked how I was (as I'd told him it wasn't going to be a happy ending. Unlike me, he's avoided spoilers). With tears streaking down my fave, I replied that truthfully I was in pieces.
What do you do when someone is obviously in tears? Of course! RING THEM... I almost didn't pick up the bloody phone, I wanted to grieve, goddamnit! Still, I held it together long enough for some of it to be pushed down again.
Today, I am avoiding the game, as I honestly feel a little fragile. Instead, I have pulled the 'drawer' out of the washing machine - it's an upright so it's like a series of bottles - and have to find a way to clean out the rainbow of moulds inside one of the compartments. No brush or even pipe cleaner gets in due to the crappy design, but I am determined as I will not be doing any washing until it is clean. CLEAN!!!
