A horrible, horrible person. That is how I see me... And to a point it is true.
The greatest part of me is too good, a nice person but a pushover and a sap. I hate the weak part of myself and today I found out how weak...
I met one of my customers to get to know him better and talk. We walked the beach for a bit before history repeated once again and he shoved me up against a wall and got far too tonguesy and more than a bit handsy...
Nothing wrong with that, but 3 years without a decent shag - or even a bad one - left me wanting more. He wanted the whole hog but I at least pulled back... I refused to let him come home here as I would have been too weak not to succumb. He doesn't know about G, and I couldn't voice it. I froze between wanting to move on and wanting to stay faithful...
I don't want this person, though he seems nice. I just want sex... I want G but there is zero sex and I have honestly given up trying. He thinks I am not in the mood but in truth I am sick of disappointment. He is my best friend and he actually understands every aspect of me and builds me up except for that one major hurdle that I struggle with so badly. I really don't know what to do...
All I know is my needs are not being met, and cracks are appearing as a result. I am physically and mentally broken from the job I cannot escape, am struggling to pay bills, and the ex left some pretty fucked up scars that still refuse to heal. I am weak... Weak, wanting, and desperately horny with just a hint of integrity still in tact... I disappoint myself.
