So, the past few weeks have been interesting... Since the inevitable split at New Year, we very quickly stabilised the friendship, and I finally felt free... Free of the guilt of telling the truth and how it could destroy our relationship. By gods, I grieved so hard for a few days, out of guilt of the hurt I caused, the life I could have had, the plans I ruined... But the truth had to come out.
We are still best friends... Less contact, understandably, but still there for each other. Still making plan to do stuff together, like the concerts.
The depression had a major relapse a week ago, and I had pretty much withdrawn from society ( - what little there is of it when in isolation). Yesterday was the end of the wave and I had a moment of meditation that was, actually, transformational... I dug out my larimar necklaces again, which is a stone apparently good for dispelling negative energies... When I first got them, people said it was like I had a personality transplant in a good way, so figured I would try to relive that moment in time. And no, I never truly believed before that day, I was just drawn to the pretty things! Yesterday, I wore one and put the other on my forehead. Lay back and put on a piece of music that helps calm me when I can't control the sadness inside... No word of a lie, I literally felt the uncontrollable sadness ebb away... It was a little scary actually, I didn't expect it to be effective in the slightest let alone that... Within seconds, I was smiling! I mean pure, from the heart joy...
Today, I can safely say I am free of the depressive slump, and haven't been able to stop smiling...
Partly because of a boy... Which is bad, and feels so wrong yet so right at the same time... More updates on that later...
