The way I feel reminds me of me foreign ex... The needy me is surfacing but I am not wanting to be a bother all the time or be clingy. I instead sit in silence, unable to think or do, needing reassurance but not voicing it. Fearing the worst when it is likely just in my head...
It is far too soon but I feel, pretty intensely... I haven't felt like this for literally years and it scares me in case my heart gets burned once more.
He is not my ex. He is a far cry from it! In the best ways possible!
Yes, the old relationship ended as the year bgegan, but it had been dead for the past few years. I regret what I did to my friend, but we survive.
This new one started to blossom before the split was official... For both of us... And we realised it by happy accident.
First I fell in love with his voice. The unique tone and accent to die for. Then his personality. His sense of humour. I have heard him when he is angry, and it was justified. His laugh makes me smile. His words make me melt.... Our first lockdown video call was me as I come, no frills, no makeup, and he is still there... And good looking to boot... We plan to meet when we can, to see if we make it official, but I think I for one am actually invested in this.
I have contemplated what it would take to make it work properly, and whether I would be willing to sacrifice all I would need to, because in reality there would be a lot... It would be terribly difficult, but I honestly think I could... And that scares me. To think it might be history repeating in a lot of ways, albeit with a serious upgrade.
I just... I feel so insecure again today and I need a little reassurance...
