I know that I tend to see the good in people, but am I just plain stupid this time??
I keep hearing that I should not trust, that I should give details to anyone who will listen, that I should arm myself, that I may never be seen again.
I am beginning to panic now, even though we spoke for another two hours today.
All of the what-ifs and insecurities are swimming through my mind in a constant procession; fear, doubt, mistrust and other feelings. The knowledge that I could - in all probability - not have the ability to think rationally and defend myself if the occasion arose.
He now wants to pick me up from the airport instead of my getting a transfer. I told him that if he pays, and wants to, fine. But I have not cancelled my transfer.
I am regretting being me right now. I regret not telling my family the whole story from the outset. For doing what I vowed not to, and worse. For following my heart when my head says Run away! Run away!
What do I really know about him? Truely? Has he been telling the truth? Am I being strung along? Am I in danger? Am I about to make the gravest mistake of my life?
Another few weeks of sleepless nights to go.
Fucking wonderful.
