Were the promises empty? Was it all a lie? The words? The people?
My head and my heart refuse to meet on the matter. I choose to go with the most optimistic view for the sake of sanity. I like to see the good in people. I just get left with the bitter aftertaste of deception and lies time after time. Not to mention separation anxiety.
Am I just an easy target? A good candidate for emotional retardation?
Dare I return? Face my fears? Do I take the risk and hope for the best, or will it end up costing me my dignity?
Perhaps I will. I am tempted to get a work visa for a while. In truth, I want that now. I would happily work for Apo at the restaurant as he so kindly offered. Such a kind soul.
Sadly, the reality is that I cannot return until at least October.
I hold out hope that a special someone will be here again over winter. Please, Serac, make that effort. Come see me!! I need to hear all the latest gossip, what's new, and I really need to talk to you about that work scenario. You would tell me the truth, and my spirits are lifted in your company. You don't judge me on (what are perceived to be) my flaws. And, to be fair, you smell and look nice! Come cheer me up and drag my senses out of the mire they're stuck in right now.
Keşke... Keşke. Sana ihtiyacım var.
