Nothing yesterday. Nothing so far today. I thought things were resolved...
Tomorrow will tell me if I am wasting my time on you. And I pray that I am not, because all I want is you right now. Only you.
I feel as though I am in limbo right now. Cut off from you. You have me waiting, and hanging on every word you say. My heart the victim of a hostile takeover, with all rational thoughts hostages.
Not all, I guess, as this diary would not be sounding as it is. I would have taken flight straight back into your arms with no thought to my own wellbeing at all.
As it happens, I still come first. I have to, as I am nobody's puppet - not entirely. My heart, maybe, but not my head. My head clearly states that you are not worth it, move on. That the emotional blackmail is too much, your demands too much, your jealousy and impatience too much. That I would be better off without you and all the I-told-you-so's are correct.
But I have to get you out of my system. I NEED to know. I WANT you, and hope that you want me too. I refuse to believe that you are rotten to the core, and want you to see me - SEE ME - for what I am, and how hard I am trying to make things work.
I want to kiss you and shake you at the same time.
I just want to be happy.
