So, I just called him. I think that may have been a mistake.
I have heard his voice - YAY!
I have also heard his troubles. Things are not good. At all...
He has debt up to his eyeballs, no job, is far from home, has a sick father and a mother critically ill in hospital and no other family can/will help.
In turn, I feel guilty. Guilty for having a better life. For having well parents. For having sisters that have my back. For having a job.
For living for myself, even if that isn't entirely true.
For interrupting his day. I don't think I helped at all. That I took the time to call? Straight over his head.
How is it fair?
All I want is to hold him, to tell him it'll be alright, to share with him the intense love that I have in my heart, but how is that fair or right?
He sounded so low, so sad, angry, so tired, so... Switched off.
All of this, and I am powerless to help. To say or do anything that I would not regret.
Being someone who loves him isn't enough for him right now. Two thousand miles away, I make no difference. I can't support him - emotionally or financially - and I am finding it so hard to deal with.
I don't want to give up, and am probably in for a broken heart, but I am persistent if nothing else. And I will always, always be here for him.
