Since I last updated here, my feelings are less likely to swing to extremes.
The larimar has worked one more time since, and I still cannot explain how it feels to go from utter sorrow to smiling within a handful of seconds - let alone how it works!
The most prominent feelings currently are of nerves, mixed with excitement, and lust...
Is there a right time to move on? I know for sure now that I am not rebounding... Am I doing the right thing? What will people think about the age difference going the other way? Can we survive the lockdown? How about the distance? Would I survive the upheaval of another move across borders and away from family?
Where am I headed?
I look in the mirror and see age creeping in. The hollow, sunken eyes, the deep smile lines, all part of the outer person... The white hair that is more plentiful than when I last saw it and the shadow of the colourful person I used to be...
What will he truly think? I have nagging doubts over my appearance, despite how great we get on in private or in the daily 5hr group chats with the gaming crew (2 of whom know)...
We have plans to meet after lockdown. For the interim there is lockdown dating... Such as in game dates or dinner dates over a video call... We are trying to make a list but it isn't that easy...
With Valentine's coming up, I feel bad as I legit haven't got him anything (not like I have ever actually had to worry) and yet something from him is apparently on the way to my house...
It feels so wrong in some ways - mainly society's idea of how we should be and the impending reactions from loved ones from both sides - and yet it feels right... Positive... A good fit... We are just drawn to each other... I can't explain it but I need to follow wherever this is going...
